Studio: Alliance Films

Directed by: John Gulager

Reviewed by: Dana Keller

All hell breaks loose when a sleazy waterpark owner decides to avoid hydro bills by pumping his own water into the park from an underground lake to which the lethal prehistoric piranhas from the first film have migrated. The gore-met feast that follows is supposed to make the Lake Victoria piranha disaster look like an appetizer. I suppose I could provide more plot summary, but let’s not fool ourselves, the majority of us are not going to see Piranha 3DD for the plot. Heck, we might not even be going to see Piranha 3DD for the piranhas. The key appeal of this film (if its marketing and content are any indication) is boobs and blood, and Piranha 3DD has these in abundance.

Contrasting with its abundance of boobs and blood is a huge lack; it hits all its marks, but somehow Piranha 3DD feels empty, soulless. One could blame this on the filmmakers, but given the high production quality (the film looked great) and superior level of acting (particularly for a B-movie horror film), it may be worthwhile to ask if this was an intentional decision.

In short, this movie is everything that is wrong with this world. The view of humanity provided by the film is one that makes us look even uglier than the toothy fish that tear up its waters. There seems to be something else going on beneath the apparently shallow surface of Piranha 3DD, and one need only look at the director and writers to confirm this suspicion. Having previously worked together on the brilliantly barf-worthy Feast trilogy, director John Gulager, and writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan seem to harbour a distaste for the human species that radiates from every film they do. Piranha 3DD is no exception to this rule. The team seems to thrill in doing everything that shouldn’t be done…even in horror films. For instance, an emerging team trademark is brutal child deaths. Even these might not be so terrible if the audience were not strongly encouraged to laugh at said deaths. What’s more is that generally these deaths are directly related to the stupidity or cowardice of the adults that should be looking after them.

In Gulager’s universe the saying “nobody is perfect” is the guiding rule. Heroes die, cowards squeak by, and virgins suffer horribly. In Piranha 3DD these guidelines bend a little but they’re still basically the same. Nothing is sacred. Gulager shows us humanity at its worst in what could very well be the best-quality 3D horror film released to date.

I’m not going to lie. The film isn’t particularly good. Your time would be better spent watching the Feast trilogy (Parts I and III are available on Netflix). But if you decide to give it a try, allow Piranha 3DD to make you think. You might be surprised at what surfaces.